Features

The Herbert Hollar

Herbert’s Gigs
fridays - the freedom party! - star64 (64 east 1st b/w 1st + 2nd aves)
#1 LEGENDARY nyc friday night dance party - NOTHING comes close!
classic hiphop/80s/dancehall/classic r&b/disco/classic house/new soul
$6 peach punch - $4 beers - mojitos - 2 bars - cool folks - NO DRAMA
11 to 4 - $5 gals/$7 guys/g.a. = $10 - rsvp: djherbert@earthlink.net

saturdays - groove! - corner51 (966 second avenue + 51st street)
wild new saturday night affair at fun spot for party people only!
hiphop/r&b/reggae/80s/classics/house/early soul by dj herbert/kulcha
2for1 martinis/cosmos - $100 mo white star - $195 grey goose + more
10 to 4 - ladies free b4 1am/guys $15 - djherbert@earthlink.net

For The Love
tonight - comedy benefit for little mo! - gotham comedy club (208 w 23rd st)
#1 comedy promoter MO doin’ a big to-do for his sun little mo!
9:30 = bill burr/greg jeraldo/patrice o’neil/jim norton/rich vos/vinnie brand
12 = dave chappelle/colin quinn/keith robinson/robert kelly/dean edwards
call gotham now and get your tickets … 212-367-9000 … HERBERT APPROVED!

Herbert’s Hot Picks
wed(10): cielo - kevin hedge/louie vega/guests - house - HAPPY 2 YEARS!
wed(10): hiro - dj mylo - new dance music
wed(10): apt - rich medina - afrobeat/soul/funk/old school/neosoul/classic r&b
wed(10): love - randolph/wajeed/archetype/todd sines - detroit soul VS ny love!
wed(10): vig bar - redlox - soul/funk/classics/old school
wed(10): m1-5 - dj wiz/old school luminaries - video mix party!
wed(10): nest - celebrity djs - hiphop/rock/80s - industry hoity toity
wed(10): alibi - good house djs - good house music - cheap drinks
wed(10): lotus - JAZZY JEFF!!/ani quinn - hiphop/rock/80s
wed(10): aer - m.o.s./guests - hiphop/80s/rock/reggae/old school
wed(10): home - eli escobar - soul/funk/rock/hiphop/classics/80s
wed(10): avalon - snatch one/memphis bleek hosts - hiphop/r&b/reggae - young!

thu(11): table50 - afrikabambaata/koolherc/jazzyjay/richmedina/eli/spinna/center!
thu(11): eugene’s - enuff/camillo/tony touch/n.o.r.e. - HAPPY 2 YEARS!
thu(11): stay - cato/obah/scientific - latin/rare grooves/rap/house/afro/reggae
thu(11): belmont lounge - dj center - soulful hip-hop/classics/int’l sounds
thu(11): sputnik/bk - schott free/nicole leone/anna g - soul/funk/latin/house
thu(11): triple crown/bk - ali shaheed muhammad (tribe) - “elton john 2 lil’john”
thu(11): sutra - reborn/selly/monica/chris logan - soul/house/old school/brazil
thu(11): madame x - jon oliver - rare groove/deep soul/b side hiphop/GREAT listen
thu(11): food4thought cafe - dj graematter - live african drums/open mic/roots
thu(11): kingsize - neil nice/elle - 80s/90s - NEIL HATES BACKPACKERS!
thu(11): sob’s - styles p/rass kass/guests - hiphop/you don’t stop/broccoli beef
thu(11): duvet - larry tee/live guests - new wave house/freaky mash-ups
thu(11): opus 22 - guest djs - classics/90s hiphop/80s
thu(11): morgan’s bar - captain needles of clinton hill - r&b/rap/edible soul
thu(11): nest - jus ske - hiphop/rock/80s
thu(11): soho 323 - shawn ske/oxy cottontail - 80s/rap - HAPPY BDAY, BUGSY!
thu(11): aer - dj riz - hiphop/rock/80s
thu(11): afterwork/crobar - camillo/lucho/shadee/CALLE 13! - hiphop/r&b/reggaeton
thu(11): afterwork/jade terrace - lucho/wreck/ivan - hiphop/r&b/reggae/reggaeton
thu(11): afterwork/wish 26 - guests - hiphop/r&b/reggae/80s/classics
thu(11): afterwork/negril - music rocka/guests - hiphop/r&b/reggae/classics

fri(12): STAR64 - FREEDOM - NYC’S #1 DANCE PARTY - SEE “GIGS” ABOVE
fri(12): tonic - dj center/esquire/baba israel/core rhythm/more - soul/funk/house
fri(12): bb king’s - ICE CUBE - straight outta compton
fri(12): frying pan - cato/obah/mark rae/eddy plenty - house/world beat
fri(12): black betty/bk - emskee/monkone - soul/funk/rare grooves/b sides
fri(12): union square ballroom - marlon d/jellybean/kervyn mark - GREAT house!
fri(12): sullivan room - true/miller cruz/irfan - brasilian dance music/live ish
fri(12): southpaw/bk - stimulus/tony tantrum/colt seavers/jermain mcqueen - ill!
fri(12): crobar - david seamen/chris fortier - hard house
fri(12): boudoir - guest djs - hiphop/rock/80s
fri(12): blvd/pink room - sure shot - hiphop/r&b/reggae/classics/old school
fri(12): fashion forty - kut/chuck dogg - hiphop/r&b/reggae/classics/caribbean
fri(12): pacha - cevin fisher/exacta/kelee - hard house
fri(12): lotus - guests - hiphop/mash-ups/house
fri(12): happy ending - jaclyin/the wiz - new wave/electro/stuff like that?
fri(12): eugene’s - kulcha/mc fame fortune - hiphop/r&b/reggae/classics
fri(12): pm - dj m.o.s. - hiphop/80s/rock
fri(12): strata - self/goldfinger/kaos - hiphop/r&b/reggae
fri(12): spirit - ivano bellini - hard house
fri(12): supper club - doug e fresh/slick rick/clipse/dj will/spynfo - WHOA!!
fri(12): b.e.d. - kenny summit/ted dillinger/mighty mi - hiphop/house/80s/soul
fri(12): afterwork/lq - jinx paul/lucho - hiphop/latin/house/classics
fri(12): afterwork/sequoia’s - derrick spaulding/willie rodriguez/don juan - !!!
fri(12): afterwork/bliss - dj sweets - hiphop/r&b/reggae/80s/classics

sat(13): CORNER 51 - DJ HERBERT/DJ KULCHA - SEE “GIGS” ABOVE!
sat(13): shelter - most legendary house music party has new home - (old flow)
sat(13): speeed - dj spinna/bobbito - LEGENDARY STEVIE WONDER TRIBUTE PARTY
sat(13): rubulad/bk/338 flushing b/w classon taafe - small change + 30/afterhours
sat(13): sullivan room - michael arana/onionz - chunky funky dirty electro house
sat(13): galapagos/bk - gravy/synapse/sujinho/cassiano/77 klash - reggae/baile!
sat(13): movida - alex english/dj wool/guests - rock/punk/hiphop/soul
sat(13): bungalow 8 - dj eli - soul/rock/classics/rap/80s
sat(13): pacha - arman van helden!! - hard house - just play flowers, dude.
sat(13): ice bar - van vader - hiphop/r&b/reggae/80s/rock/classics/soul
sat(13): crobar - boris - hard house - HAPPY 2 YEARS!
sat(13): underbar - jvc - hiphop/r&b/80s/rock/soul
sat(13): strata - big ben/guests - hiphop/r&b/reggae/80s/rock
sat(13): apt - qool marv/emskee - soulful music across all genres
sat(13): sutra - obah/cato - hiphop/soul/funk/afrobeat/reggae/classics
sat(13): star64 - dj cosi - hiphop/r&b/reggae/classics
sat(13): reign/bk - dj hud/obsession/country - hiphop/r&b/reggae/classics
sat(13): savannah’s - kaos - hiphop/r&b/reggae/classics
sat(13): mars 2112 - dj snatch one - hiphop/r&b/reggae/classics
sat(13): nikki & same/83 worth st - soca passion!!! - spice/jam central/guests

sun(14): movida - dj center/large professor/eclipse/logic/maya azucena - SOUL!
sun(14): apt - danny krivit/neil aline/dj angola - house - HAPPY 4 YEARS!
sun(14): bkny/bk - guest djs - reggae superstar tributes!
sun(14): langston’s/bk - ruben toro/guests - soulful house - the latin bull!
sun(14): guesthouse - m.o.s./peter paul - hiphop/rock/80s
sun(14): lotus - goldfinger - hiphop/80s/soul
sun(14): pm - ani quinn/guests - hiphop/old school/rock/reggae
sun(14): opus 22 - evil d/mr walt/butta l - hiphop/r&b/reggae/classics
sun(14): rock candy - sussone/hot day - hiphop/r&b/reggae/classics
sun(14): the city - bobby konders/jabba/steelie bashment/nitro - reggae/reggae

mon(15): cielo - francois k/guests - deep house/space vibes
mon(15): sin sin - obah/qool marv/chris annibell - soul/funk/ill shite/go!
mon(15): apt - prince paul/jazzy jeff/bobbito (rotate) - soul/funk/classics/rap
mon(15): sway - guests - hiphop/reggae/rock - real nyc underground heads

tue(16): hotel qt - “prince” language (ruler of zamoonda) - soul/swimming?
tue(16): union square coffee shop - emskee - b sides/old school/neo soul/soul
tue(16): belmont lounge - dj hud - 80s/90s/soul - xxl magazine bday bash!
tue(16): marquee - dj reach - hiphop/rock/80s
tue(16): happy valley - guest djs - electro/hard house - big hullabaloo over dis
tue(16): sapphire lounge - eman/lola - house
tue(16): cain - d nice - rap/rock/80s/house/old school
tue(16): home - cassidy/guests - hiphop/rock/80s/pop stuff
tue(16): afterwork/soho 323 - snatch one - hiphop/soul/r&b/reggae/classics
tue(16): afterwork/the mango room - jinx paul - hiphop/r&b/latin/soul/old school

Herbert’s Heard
1. “Last Dance” — Donna Summer (See below.)
2. “IandI Drum Link” — I and I Drum Link (Subway drummers. Ill.)
3. “Hustler Musik” — Lil’ Wayne
4. “Enough Cryin” — Mary J. Blige (It’s not even the song. It’s just … her.)
5. “This Time Baby” — Jackie Moore (In my head a little too much lately.)

Word To Herbert
Okay. So I went back to Johnny Rocket’s. If you recall, I vowed never to step foot in that place again due to the chili that gave me seeeerious stomach issues for like 2 weeks. HOWEVER … the sweet little Mrs. was having a bad day and reeeeally wanted some comfort food, and I couldn’t say no. Johnny Rocket’s it would be. They sat us down, my buh-ba-leh ordered a grilled cheese sandwich and a malt milkshake, and I got a grilled chicken salad, a lemonade and a cheese fries for us to “share”.

All’s fair in love and cheese fries.

Out came the lemonade. Now … normally I don’t think twice about liquid when worrying about food poisoning. Actually, to be honest, I never think twice about anything before I shove it down my throat, but this WAS Johnny Rocket’s and I WAS scarred emotionally and gastronomically, so I decided to take baby steps because you never know. Maybe the cook squeezed the lemons with the same hand he cut the chicken with. (Hahha. Yeah right. “Lemons.”) I sipped on the lemonade and waited about 5 minutes. Everything was fine. No sign of any issues, no rumble in my jungle, errthing okay. First part done.

Hahahah. Yeah right. “Chicken.”

Out came the cheese fries. I hesitated, but as you all know, french frizzles are my weakness. My hand quickly darted out, almost on its own accord, obviously not caring about MY concerns with the food, and grabbed a clump and popped them into my mouth. It behaved like Bruce Campbell’s possessed hand in “Evil Dead 2,” pouncing on the potatoes with a sinister high-pitched giggle. (If you haven’t seen the movie, my apologies.) But MMMMM they were good. I told my wife how good I thought they were, how the cheddar actually tasted like cheddar and not some orange Silly Puddy by-product loaded with salt to mask the awful taste it acquired during the vulcanization process. It was actually good!

But so was the chili…

I forced myself to wait a minute or two. It was really painful, sitting there, watching the number of fries in the basket diminish, particularly the ones with cheese all over them (my wife, she’s so cunning). My hand was fidgeting, going crazy. It started to sweat, and cringe, and have nervous palpitations as it hatefully watched my wife’s hand do sloppy summertime dives into a big pool of cheese and fried potatoes, and then it looked at me with utter digust and then severe contempt and then I felt like it was going to attack me at any second, but then it turned its attention back to my wife’s hand doing cannonballs and belly flops into the basket.

Finally, my hand started inching towards the fork with one evil eye on its five-fingered adversary across the table like it was prepared to go the distance, like it was ready for war and I cried “nooooo” and then decided to give into the hand and my secret longings for cheddar cheese fries. I shoved a fat handful into my my mouth. Everything was okay. No stomach aches, no queasiness, no problem.

At least, not yet.

Now the true test of dietary courage would be taken. The main course. A plate of iceberg lettuce with a little bit of romaine so customers didn’t feel completely malnourished. Nonetheless, my challenge wasn’t the lettuce. My challenge was the flesh. My adversary would be the chicken. My battle’s with the bird. Was it safe? Would it eat a hole through my intestine? My wife had just about finished off the basket, having picked off even the leftover cheese stuck to the edges of the wax paper (she’s merciless, my wife), so I knew I had to eat something. And at this point, my hand didn’t care. It got the fries and was now staring down the large stainless-steel milkshake container.

I would be alone on this one.

I went for it. I said to myself “Herbert, you think too much, just go for it,” and I did. I said “nothin’ to it but do it,” like DJ Wicked Wayne taught me, and I dove right in. I said “Herbert, stop being such a fu*king pu**y and eat some chicken salad for fu*k’s sake,” and I did. And I started to get nauseous. G-d fu*king dammit, I was getting really nauseous. Like that feeling that you could throw up at any moment should your gag reflex be provoked. It was kind of like the vomit was just waiting for me to gasp even slightly, to make one single pigeon-head motion or “huuuuu” noise just for a second. It would be all over (the table). If I was in the doctor’s office and he stuck that popsicle stick down my throat to see how my tonsils were, he’d see how my stomach acid was. That’s how close I came. And then I started to sweat, because I started getting nervous that I was going to heave the gorge right there, and then I felt faint, and then I got more nervous like I had fu*king bird flu or something and then I swear I started to black out and see a bright, white light.

Then, all of a sudden, the music started playing loud. It was Donna Sommer’s “The Last Dance.” I like that song, it’s a fun commercial disco track, goes over well at weddings and even on some deep dance floor somewhere as a light-hearted …amuse ear. (What’s ear in French?) Well, at least thinking about the song brought me back from the other side, where I undoubtedly was a second ago. Then the greatest thing happened in the world: The waiters and waitresses started dancing! It was great! They had this whole dance routine worked out, and the larger of the three waitstaff with a huge smile on his face was really getting down and loving it and it made me forget ALL about the fact that I was near death and having an outer-body experience only seconds before, watching my lifeless body from above at Johnny Rocket’s, way up in the corner of the ceiling where I couldn’t help but notice the disgusting layer of grease that made everything up there smell like onion rings.

I can’t go back.

Love, good health, understanding,

DJ HerbertMessage DJ Herbert and tell him what you think

By Ray Tamarra on 5/12/2006[read on] [Make a comment]

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