Features

The Herbert Hollar

Herbert’s Hot Picks
wed(02): nuyorican poets cafe - all that hiphop/poetry/jazz - open mic - DOPE!!!
wed(02): apt - rich medina - old school/soul/funk/afrobeat/80s
wed(02): cielo - kevin hedge/louie vega - soulful house
wed(02): white rabbit - gregory poole-owitz/guests - future dance sounds
wed(02): madame x - jon oliver/flex unger - soul/rock/rare grooves/hiphop - 8-1
wed(02): duke + duchess - guest djs - hiphop/r&b/80s
wed(02): suede - big ben - hiphop/r&b/reggae/80s/house/rock
wed(02): baraza - eric rodriguez/dj irv/steve martin - soul/olskool/latin/funk
wed(02): viscaya - snatch - hiphop/r&b/reggae/classics
wed(02): lotus - ani/soul (rotate) - hiphop/r&b/rock/80s/old school
wed(02): afterwork/b1 - marc smooth/center - soul/jazz/r&b/classics - 5PM
wed(02): afterwork/rumor - kaos/self - hiphop/r&b/reggae/classics

thu(03): menage - wicked insane wayne - hiphop/r&b/reggae/classics - check it out!
thu(03): guernica - blessed/monica pineda/reborn/selly - house/old school/soul
thu(03): black betty/bk - monk one/emskee - soul/funk/classics
thu(03): triple crown/bk - cosmo baker/guests - soul/funk/classics/reggae/etc.
thu(03): eugene’s - kid capri/camillo - hiphop/r&b/reggae/reggae-ton/latin
thu(03): na - kenny summit/clark kent - hiphop/rock/house - rashida jones b-day!
thu(03): cherry lounge - dj s&s - hiphop/r&b/reggae
thu(03): kos - dj obah - world beats/classics/classic rock/jazzy hiphop + r&b
thu(03): sob’s - rekha/eddie stats - basement bhangra bang your booty
thu(03): afterwork/kanvas - sweets - classics/soul/old school/r&b/80s

fri(04): FREEDOM - DISCOTHEQUE - BIGGER THAN TIMES SQUARE - SEE ABOVE!
fri(04): hiro - guest djs - hiphop/house/rock - celebs/glitz/glamor/oy vey
fri(04): taj - elle/beverly bond/miss saigon/more - hiphop/r&b/reggae/soul/80s
fri(04): lot 61 - dj soul/guests - hiphop/r&b/reggae/classics
fri(04): starfoods - dj eleven/guests - soul/classics/underground (ruvane = punk!)
fri(04): select - dj reach - hiphop/80s/rock
fri(04): flatiron loft - guest djs - hiphop/r&b/reggae/classics - first fridays
fri(04): babalu’s - camillo/guests - hiphop/r&b/reggae/latin
fri(04): duvet - frank delour - hiphop/r&b/reggae/80s/rock/house
fri(04): supper club - goldfinger/legend sounds - hiphop/r&b/reggae/classics
fri(04): ida mae - dj hud - hiphop/r&b/reggae/classics
fri(04): afterwork/bliss bar - dj sweets the afterwork assassin!!! - old school

sat(05): shelter - timmy regisford/guests - soulful house/olskool
sat(05): louis - jd allen trio - live jazz - 212.673.1190
sat(05): starfoods - osiris/guests - dope house music/live percussion
sat(05): route 85a - redlox/guests - soul/funk/r&b/hiphop
sat(05): underbar - dj jvc - hiphop/rock/soul/r&b/reggae/house/anything (dope dj!)
sat(05): glo - reach/ani/soul/spinbad/more on rotation - hiphop/r&b/80s/rock/etc.
sat(05): hue - dj omi - hiphop/r&b/80s/rock/house

sun(06): fashion 40 - marc smooth/marlon b - hiphop/r&b/reggae/classics
sun(06): ruby falls - cosi/soul/goldfinger/cassidy (rotate) - hiphop/r&b/reggae
sun(06): 1073 atlantic b/w franklin + classon/bk - ruben toro - house + classics
sun(06): piano’s - scratch famous/selector JD/guests - reggae/reggae
sun(06): lotus - soul/goldffinger/guests (rotation) - hiphop/r&b/reggae/latin
sun(06): deep - camillo/guests - hiphop/r&b/reggae/classics
sun(06): taj - mary mack - hiphop/r&b/reggae/80s/classics
sun(06): coral room - hot 97 rotating djs (?) - hiphop/r&b/reggae

mon(07): cielo - francois k/guests - future dub/space vibes/house
mon(07): at - eli escobar/bobbitto/spinna (rotation) - soul/funk/disco/olskool
mon(07): sapphire lounge - joeski/disciple!!! - house
mon(07): bungalow 8 - dj soul - hiphop/classics
mon(07): el flamingo - franklin ayala - salsa music

tue(08): sapphire - eman/lola - deep house - happy b-day, miss boogie!!
tue(08): joe’s pub - guest djs/live performances - soul/classics/hiphop/house
tue(08): lobby - self/will - hiphop/r&b/reggae/classics
tue(08): union square lounge/coffee shop - emskee - soul/funk/old school
tue(08): 17 - dj omi - hiphop/r&b/80s/rock/house
tue(08): le souk - dj liftkid/guests - all different kinds of house
tue(08): afterwork/aubette - snatch 1 - hiphop/r&b/reggae/soul/classics
tue(08): afterwork/58 - lucho - hiphop/r&b/reggae/latin/house - 5pm

Herbert’s Heard
1. “This Time Baby” — Jackie Moore (Found it!!)
2. “Who” — Jae Millz (What?? Herbert-endorsed beat.)
3. “Just the Two of Us” — Chubb Rock
4. “Just a Little Bit” — 50 Cent (I can’t explain it. I just like it.)
5. “Whisper” — Yin Yang Twins (Lyrics bumped track to bottom. TOO sick.)

Word To Herbert
I’m free, y’all! No more virus! And I fixed it myself!!! I didn’t need no $69.95 call to Symantec for no help. Uh-uh. All’s I had to do was go online and check out CNet and see what they say is the good sh*t. Then I just downloaded Webroot’s Spyblaster, for free, did a sweep of my computer, and finally found the bastard hiding in my control panel under the “searchforit - toolbar” item. I just removed it myself. Voila! Done. Yeah!

Wait a second … What the … no! No!!! Close. Close. Close. Oh noooo. Dammit!!

Ah well. Guess I gotta call Dell again, and pay that $40 for their Spyware help. Whatever. Gotta do what you gotta do, right? Dammit. Okay. Anyways, what’s with all this beef? Actually, I don’t really care. Music doesn’t care. Game and 50 are not going out anymore, fine. 50’s gonna punch Fat Joe in the face? Fine. Just as long as they keep making good music and nobody gets hurt. Just as long as it’s not taken to the next level, and somebody really does someone wrong. Like that person did Rich Medina. Rich … keep your head up. We’ll wait!

Okay. Hold on now. My fabulous Spysweeper program is asking me about some file. Okay … yes … I’d like to remove the PTECH file. Sure. Okay. And … BANG! YES! WHAT! I got you this time, boy! What! Holla! Fu*k $40!!!! Not this time, jerks!!!

Big shout out to the Doggy, Seth “Chicken Parm” Zaplan. He broke his shoulder in a nasty slip and fall on the Lower East Side Skating Rink (a.k.a. the parking lot; get them for ALL they’re worth, dude!), and he’s going through rehabilitation and all that. Don’t worry, dude. You’ll be good. Just eat lots of cheese, get good rest, take your vitamins, and you’ll able to ride in the SUV’s again in no time! And big shout to DJ M.O.S.. I walked in on him the other night, at Joe’s, and caught dude with his guard down playing Chubb Rock’s “Just the Two of Us.” If you didn’t know, that’s a Herbert classic. That’s MY song. Not his. Mine.

That’s right. I said it. What you … wait a second. What … Oh no. Oh God no! OH C’MON!!! Are you kidding me?? Close. Close. Close. Close. Close. Close. Close. CLOSE. Alright. I give up. I’m calling Dell, and if I don’t get through, I’m tossing this PC right out the friggin window! And then I’m going STRAIGHT to the Mac store and dropping a couple Gs on something.

What’s with all this Kabbalah talk recently? Let me explain to you the problem I’m having with all this … desecration. First of all, everyone is saying it wrong. It’s not ka BA lah, it’s ka ba LAH. That should be your first clue into the BS factor of this new trend and all these classes people take. Second of all, no true Kabbalist will share the secrets he has learned. You can’t. It’s not allowed according to the Torah, the Old Testament, and true Kabbalists live by the old book to the fullest, so all those hundreds of dollars and your mother’s “cool” friend ain’t even getting the real deal. Kabballah is Jewish mysticism, it indeed unveils some of the different theories on positive living and magical existence, but the true understanding and learning of the secret section leads to infinite power. Like, for instance, he who can say every letter of the Hebrew alphabet with utter conviction and complete passion will possess infinite power. And he who knows all the names of the Lord is on his way to infinite power (my Rabbi told me there were 72 in 1985).

And no, Herbert does not know all of His names. If I did, I’d be eating nachos every night in Bora Bora and writing books and healing the world and I’d bring back Donny Hathaway from the dead and give him another chance on the condition that he sing for my wife on her next birthday and I’d be a kung fu master buddha and I’d be able to fly.

And fix this PC. Speaking of which, lemme get at Dell. I’ll be right back. And trust me, you can meet me at the Mac store if their automated voice system hangs up on me again. KNOW THIS.

(5 hours later.)

Hi.

It’s me, Herbert. Hello. I think, yes I think, and I’m pretty sure, I got this virus taken care of. It was the trojan virus, and I think it was working hand-in-hand with spyware or something, and I kept getting this PTECH thing popping up in my anti-spyware program, but I finally got thru to Dell’s software technicians, and after $40, I think I’m in the clear. We found something called “Hijack this” (hahaha. nerds. they can be funny), which allows you to pick out those files you don’t want and instantly deletes them. There’s a lot more to it, but at least thru my mistakes, you can learn something.

The most logical feeback I got about this PC/MAC thing is that 90 percent of computer users in this world use Windows, so virus scumbags and now CORPORATIONS (who want to thrust their faulty software on you via pop-up windows and can do so because it’s not illegal yet) don’t bother trying to create or invent scripts that attack Macs as well. But rest assured, as Mac users increase, so will Mac viruses. And in the end, it’s ultimately a matter of what platform you are most comfortable with. To me, Macs are slower and a little bit too cute. There’s also no right-click, which saves you lots of time. True, there is a thick veil of ambiguity between the layman and his PC, but the veil does exist with Macs. It’s only … cuter looking … with lace and smocking and stuff.

So that’s that. I’m gonna go now. Peace to the punks from Pratt who have taken to the front stoop of this old castle-looking house on my block. I don’t know what it is about the house … maybe its dark, haunted look or magical presence which goes along with the whole Goth thing about darkness and infinite sadness or whatever, and maybe they sit outside and dream of it’s cold corners and long, echoing, evil hallways or something, in their tight black pants and tight black t-shirts (which they wear even in the freezing cold) … inviting the pain of living and the romance of sickness into their lives.

But then all that goes to sh*t when Herbert comes racing up the block in his Pontiac Bonneville and jumps out with the groceries in tow, bangin 97.1! Wassup, dudes???

Peace, love, happiness, good health and … and … … no. No. NOOO!!!!!

(Herbert)

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Herbert’s Gigs
fridays - the freedom party - discotheque (17 w.19th b/w 5th + 6th)
#1 friday night dance event in NYC - join 700 people and singalong!!
classic hiphop/classic r&b/80s/dancehall/classic house/new soul/funk
$6 funky cold medinas - cool people! - cheap drinks/cover - dope vibe!
NOW more room to dance - NOW easier bar access - NOW a dope sound system!
(and a back room boasting a sexy lounge for all y’all bullshi**ers!!)
10 to 4 - $5/$7/$10 list … $10/$15 g.a. - rsvp: djherbert@earthlink.net

saturdays - member’s only - social club (14 e. 27th st b/w 5th + madison)
main floor dance space has been extended - weekend warrior madness!!!
hiphop/r&b/reggae/80s/rock/house/classics by me - main floor
a mix of the same sort of music downstairs by slynkee and cel
look sharp - ladies free b4 11 - $15 - rsvp djherbert@earthlink.net

Message DJ Herbert and tell him what you think

By DJ Herbert on 3/2/2005[read on] [Make a comment]

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